#and mom wouldn't help me
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#remembering that one time i was 12#and my mom signed me up for a competition hosted by fucking harvard without telling me#about shopee's business plans#and what they could do to profit or sth#and i balled by eyes out crying bc i couldn't understand anything (neither could my teacher at school)#and mom wouldn't help me#so i cried some more#and she yelled at me bc she already put in money#ig now history is repeating itself#cuz my mom is telling me how she wasted her money on me for ielts#because i couldn't understand a single thing in the reading section (pt 3)#because the topic was fucking finance (AGAIN) and i could comprehend what it was saying#i just didn't understand what it meant#same thing went for a stephen hawking book once#discussed theories i haven't even touched about in schools#i dont think 13 year olds are supposed to be forced to consume medias about finance and politics and academics all the time#i mean im 13#im taking ielts soon#thats 3 years earlier than the minimum#which is 16#likehonestly#i dont wanna do this#anymore
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On Voting in America
So one of the most profound comments on routine chores that I've ever encountered was, hilariously, the Pickle Rick episode of "Rick & Morty," where (after a lot of shenanigans have already ensued) this therapist absolutely lays Rick out:
"I have no doubt that you would be bored senseless by therapy, the same way I'm bored when I brush my teeth and wipe my ass. Because the thing about repairing, maintaining, and cleaning is: it's not an adventure. There's no way to do it so wrong you might die. It's just work. And the bottom line is some people are okay going to work and some people, well, some people would rather die. Each of us gets to choose."
I think about this at least once a week — usually while I'm doing my laundry or sweeping or some other task that needs doing and won't get me anything more than clean clothing or a dog-hair-free floor. There's no Pulitzer for wiping down your microwave or scrubbing your toilet; no one's awarding you for getting all the dishes out of the sink. At best you have the satisfaction of crossing it off your list.
Voting is very much the same (and I'm talking about the US here, as an American). Sure, you sometimes get a sticker; but nobody's going to cheer for you. There's no adventure here, no potential for anything more than crossing something off of a list. It's a chore, something that needs doing in order to repair, maintain, and yes even clean. So I get why people don't like doing it.
And I've decided I don't give a shit.
Do it anyway. Your country takes astonishingly little from you — taxes, the once-in-a-blue-moon jury duty, and a theoretical draft that hasn't been used in over half a century and likely will never be again — but it asks you (asks! not requires! not demands!) to vote once or twice a year. It's not always easy; especially in conservative states, the impediments to vote can be ridiculous. But it is once a year and unlike in our nation's all-too-recent past, you will not die if you do it.
In fact, the worst outcome from voting these days is that the person or issue that you vote for loses — but you won't know if they lose until after the election. Polls are less accurate now, for a whole host of reasons; you cannot know until after the election who or what will win. This makes your vote more valuable than possibly ever before.
Use that power. Not because it's exciting or even rewarding, but because your vote is what keeps our country's metaphorical teeth from falling out and our metaphorical ass from stinking.
Brush, wipe, vote.
#ok the metaphor may've gotten a little gross but rick & morty chose it not me#anyway if voting didn't matter then rich people wouldn't do it#and I can assure you: they do#also: please don't think of voting like a reward for the person you're voting for#or as a punishment for the person you're not voting for#my mom's advice was:#think about the most vulnerable people you care about and vote for the person or issue that will make their lives better#and you'll rarely go wrong#yes there are often two bad options but if you're old enough to vote you're old enough to understand the difference between bad and less ba#anyway that's all the political lecturing I'll do this year#except maybe to complain about the 18-hour day I'll be having on Tuesday#oh also SIGN UP TO WORK ELECTIONS WE NEED MORE HELP#thank you#politics!
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firm believer there was no bedding ceremony when helaena and aegon married because she would cry and possibly kill someone
#SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE??? BEING LOUD??? /TOUCHING/ HER???? BEING UNDRESSED BY RANDOM MEN????? a hell designed personally for her tbh#sorry if you wanted all the court ladies undressing you aegon. maybe you can have your bedding ceremony while she's safely escorted to bed#if they had it happen she'd try to endure for all of 3 seconds (she'd cry) before violently shoving people away#if anyone tried to prevent her from running it would get worse and she won't apologize for making lord whoever bleed by scratching his face#she'll not apologize if dreamfyre flies too close to the castle like 'HEY BUDDIES WHY IS MY RIDER IN DISTRESS THESE WALLS CAN'T STOP ME!!!'#anyway daily reminder westeros is gross ig#i want to have enough faith in her family that they'd know it wouldn't go well and plan to spare her that from the start#because yeah it wouldn't go well#(the worst part is that me as a person who doesn't write viserys or alicent - disclaimer over - thinking about it#i can see alicent making the case for it not to happen and viserys just being like *handwave* all girls are shy about it it's normal)#anyway yeah any crusty old man tries to touch her helaena will hiss at him like a cat#also run to the nearest source of safety tbh#aemond 🥺 ser criston 🥺 mom 🥺 pls help#* out of character: { dreamfyre stan }
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as a jew, seeing what all of these israeli leaders have said is sickening. as a jew, anti-palestinian rhetoric is sickening. as a jew, zionism is sickening.
how dare my people -- a people who've been massacred, ethnically cleansed, dehumanized, forcibly removed, and discriminated on religious grounds for their entire existence -- do the same to another people? how dare we turn our backs on them, when they suffer like we have?
i understand that so much of us have been fed zionist propaganda our entire lives; the same happened to me. i understand the desire for a homeland where we don't have to fear antisemitism at every turn; i want that too. but it doesn't take much thought to understand that a homeland for us, which actively oppresses and kills another people, is antithetical to what we want.
if you, as a member of an oppressed group, believe that your freedom and safety can only exist when you oppress another group, you are acting no better than the people who oppressed you. such a belief is horrible, and cynical, and wrong.
as a jew, i want jewish people to be happy and safe and connected to our heritage; as a jew, i also want other peoples to be happy and safe and connected to their heritage.
don't call the palestinians "amalek". you are turning us into amalek.
doesn't the torah tell us to have empathy for those beaten down by the world? doesn't the torah tell us to make the world a better place? doesn't the torah tell us to free people of their shackles and help them escape oppression?
i have so many israeli aunts and uncles and cousins; i fear for their safety. of course, my parents do as well. i'm worried that this fear, in addition to anything they were led to believe earlier in life, is placing my parents even deeper in the zionist camp. but it doesn't have to be this way! my relatives' safety does not rely on the continued oppression of gaza!
it is easy to be uninformed, to be swayed by propaganda, to blindly hope that israel was founded in good faith -- but we can't lie to ourselves. a world steeped in senseless hatred (which we are now promoting!) could never be a home for us. none of us are free, liberated, equal, until all of us are.
as a jew, to other jews, i implore that we stand with our palestinian siblings. i want us all to be happy and safe. i want us all to live in harmony -- in the holy land and around the world. that is what we all deserve. <3
#melonposting#i apologize for not reblogging/posting much stuff about israel/palestine until now#i kept having this fear that my mom would see and get angry at me#but what do i care? i want both jews and palestinians to be happy#oh yeah. and i keep hearing the argument that 'jews living in the holy land before israel was established weren't treated well'#i don't know if that's true or not... but does it matter?#like of course antisemitism is horrible. but that can be dealt with#forcibly taking over their land is not the answer#like if israel were never a thing and people saw that jews living in the holy land didn't have rights#they'd do something about it!#and if you think they wouldn't (which is a fair thing to think)... well then you should do something about it!!!#don't solve oppression with more oppression you idiot!!!!!#no positive change will ever come to a world which doesn't think positive change can happen#and oppression is not positive change.#and it also pains me how so much of zionist rhetoric feeds off of post-holocaust fear#and i get it. i get that in the mid 20th century we were so scared and angry after the holocaust#and that we desperately wanted a safe haven#i will never not empathize with that fear and rage because it's justified#but that is no excuse to oppress another group of people. there are other ways to be safe and happy i promise#just stop hurting each other... please... you're not helping anyone...#palestine#israel#zionism
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the thing is, toey never initiates emotional intimacy with q. he'll wonder for a year what kind of music q listens to but never even think to directly ask. he'll bug q about all sorts of tips to make his art better without revealing why he chose to pursue art at all. he'll collapse onto q's lap when he is drunk and extremely tired but won't ask to sleep next to him or even try to come up with an excuse to when he's sober. he doesn't actually ask q to come with him to the park - he asks peem and then peem asks q. toey will nag q with his tone or with his teasing or with his eyes? but never ask for what he actually wants
but even when q (or peem, or tan) takes initiative to make their intimacy possible, toey just seems happy and content to be held as close or as far as q is willing to have him.
If q came all this way to teach toey how to shade, if q is worried about toey being in the studio alone at night, if q (maybe) wants to learn how to skateboard, if q is worried about toey getting kicked off of the bed by peem, toey interprets it as exactly that and nothing more
#my boy is so neurodivergent just like me#i am wondering if he actually doesn't want to initiate the fake dating#NOT because he's scared that q doesn't care#but because he knows that q cares (in a way that is smaller and less willing)#and is scared to hurt q even that much#toey could have his entire heart broken and wouldn't even try to ask q to help#this is a Terrible situation that requires the intervention of Mom™ Chain and Co.#this also sounds like someone who truly has been bullied and is scared of expressing their wants or needs#qtoey#we are the series#q#toey#i woke up today morning and decided that my job in this hellsite will be to write qtoey angst takes and honestly??? valid of me#gmmtv 2024#i am quite sure a significant amount of this is pure conjecture
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having delusions you KNOW are not real is some wild experience only people who experience it can understand
#I'll kill him#he's probably hitting on my mom or smth worst...#(me when I'm on the call with my mom. the street sounds are visible. he als has a wife and two kids.)#actually delusional#actually schizophrenic#actually help me#delulu#delusional#schizophrenia#actually schizospec#I keep pronouncing schizo as shizo and not skitzo#its so engraved in my mind I can't .. help :)#kn.own//#kn.mntdis//#double bookkeeping#but anyway sacrificjg my most two important classes and an exam just so#she wouldn't be alone :))
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just got a notification from my phone calendar saying "It's almost alfo's birthday, do you want to plan something?"
#uhhh first of all i haven't spoken to her in 7 years. :(( second... she lives in Chile. so no...#i do hope she's doing well though. :(#once i guessed the song that was in her head with no clues#(the song popped into my head after she told me to guess) and we were both like 'WHAT'#she told me we were twin flames. i didn't know what that meant but i believed it.#we used to watch movies on rabb.it and she would complain about her mom. and i would tell her everything would be okay.#and she went on a trip once where she wouldn't have wifi and had her friend Tomas keep up our snapchat streak...#anyway thank you phone for making me sad i miss you alfonsina.#fuck now i'm thinking about old friends who don't love me anymore...#alfo and emilie and w and kiwi. ahhh kiwi...#the first person to ever have a crush on me!!!#that was amazing man#kiwi and their friend maggie tried to help me make a plan for getting away from home back then. it never worked. but it was nice of them#i still have asks from both of them in my inbox : ( sigh#emilie was nice until my life fell apart and then decided i wasn't worth talking to anymore (because i wasn't dming her about my problems?)#and w and i weren't super close but we were friends for a while. did a big bang together!#and there are a dozen others who've slipped away. lol...#anyway sorry but google assistant hath just wrecked me with a simple notification. and i don't even have them turned on... :((#diaerie
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Do you think I could file for custody of all the human-like Sentis that have been created on the basis of "I made them so I'm technically one of their parents"?
#Gabriel Agreste will be the first to lose “his” son in the custody battles#He's not even Gabriel's son - he had no part in the Adrien-making process#EMILIE made Adrien with my Miraculous so SHE'S the only one with any actual claim to him#And she's dead#🦚#Same with Felix and his dad#Although his mom is pretty cool so I wouldn't mind filing for joint custody instead of full custody of Felix#Kagami is a little tricky because her mom actually DID make her#But I think I can get custody because her mom willingly helped a domestic terrorist (Hawkmoth) and I'm pretty sure that means jail time#The only problem is actually getting the court to take me seriously#@ladybug @felix - do either of you know any good lawyers?#((OOC: brb gonna go write this crackfic))
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i feel like reading/watching mbf immediately means knowing who i am as a person and... i cannot allow this
#you all know that i can't stand gatekeeping and how that's why i bring up what i like all the time in various contexts#but the surprising thing with mbf for me is that i can't talk about it as freely to people who don't know me#because i can't find a way to translate it without having to offer some crucial segment of myself#i enjoy sharing ideas and thoughts more than anything else but i don't like sharing me the person behind them#because i really cherish my individuality as something important in spite of where it takes me sometimes#i don't want to tarnish it!!!! i don't want even the smallest piece of it to be missing because i wouldn't know what to do anymore#i'll stick to typing out thoughts here and to my mom and to my med textbooks#but i must say it feels strangely refreshing to have something that is only my own this way because i always have to put myself out there#and this way i am not giving anyone the opportunity to twist it into something terrible about me#my spontaneous outbursts might ruin this for me though#letters from stephanie*#i dislike that i can't step outside of my own experiences with this like i usually do because art should be shared#this is suchhh a crazy person post#i think i finally get what my dad means when we fight about how i shouldn't say everything i think all the time#he doesn't want me to filter myself he wants me to preserve who i am from harm because stepping up sometimes won't help#who i'm trying to help but it will ruin me in some way even if it just makes me upset#i think that's how he manages to be calm without betraying himself?#he isn't lying he's just saying what he thinks when it matters and to those that matter#like most of the time i am right to single myself out but there is a particular shade of grey when i shouldn't do it#idk this is literally donna telling the dr YOU CAN STOP NOW.#realistically i just need someone to calm me down when my passions turn against me#overly personal post once again i am sooo sorryyyy look away
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Every time I draw Mamagi it does AoE damage (I am also in the area of effect)
Lighthearted bonus:
#enstars#hiiro amagi#rinne amagi#i don't know if this is a bad time to be amagi-posting given that hiiro's fs2 just dropped but. oh well#also this might be the last thing i draw for a bit because i am in the final stretch of this semester#if you sent in a request. i will get to it and thank you for your patience#anyways i know i'm kinda being like 'haha rinne mama's boy' which like. yeah but also sometimes--#--sometimes you're an adult in their 20s and like. yeah sure you're technically an adult or whatever but you still feel like a kid yeah?#and sometimes you just maybe want your mom to help you when you're lost or confused or when you need someone to tell you it'll be okay#but you won't get that for whatever reason#sincerely: an adult in their 20s#....can you tell why rinne is like. a vibe to me now#anyways i'm not saying mamagi dying was a necessary evil but if hiiro and rinne had an adult who actually loved them at home they probably-#-wouldn't have left and we wouldn't have the main story#if she was alive today tho she'd be going to their lives sorry i don't make the rules (yes i do)#if she ends up being exactly like the rest of their village in some future lore i'm gonna be so sad.#she'd throw hands with niki's parents#imagine leaving your sons behind because you straight up died (couldn't really do anything about that)#meanwhile your son's boyfriend's parents just. up and left him because they could#also posts with her will be tagged mamagi#if you read all that <3#mamagi#she'd adopt all the bees and alkaloid too#imagine if they got their singing skills from her#also mamagi 1 rinniki shipper (also does not care it's not legal)#rinniki
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I think I just pinched a nerve on accident-
Twas moving my right hand around then when I was moving my thumb and pointer finger (I think those 2???) really quickly it just caused a sorta static sensation??? Idk if it was really staticy but it definitely wasn't normal audaydyshdhsidufy
#idk uhhhhhhhhh-#yeah idk if I really did or not but it's midnight rn so imma go to bed and try to keep myself layed on my back with the right arm and hand#relaxed as much as possible by ny side#abd if it gets worse at some point tomorrow I'll tell mom and see how that goes!😅#also if I did this would absolutely fuckin SUCK cuz I draw and write with my right hand and I wouldn't wanna make anything worse :/#well if it does come to that I can help my ambidexterity reemerge from when I was younger I suppose :P#venting me#so uh- good night!!
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i'm gonna try to keep my reblogs on the whole situation to a minimum bc honestly while this blog is for whatever i wanna put on it i do not need to scroll down my blog and be reminded immediately + i'd. much rather save my heavier thoughts on it when talking with my brother later but. will say to please avoid doomscrolling and also that even if he wins after everything's been counted up then we have to survive. even if it's just out of spite
...i'm mostly just pissed that i have to be stuck in this damn country living with parents who actively voted for me and my younger siblings to lose our rights since we fall under multiple minority groups. lmao.
#ghost whispers#current events#us politics#sighs. my mom is literally a black woman and voting for this fucker still probably bc god knows what her problem is#and my dad is an elon musk fanboy and has been for years and idk there's no saving him or my mom since she knows#idk. i hate them for helping endanger me and my siblings multiple times now.#all of us being mixed race. having women's rights apply to us in some way. also being queer. idk.#it also makes me mad if he wins bc most of my family has had passports planned in case he wins. i will never see some family again.#and i'm also mad bc they fucked my voter registration up multiple times and then my dad wouldn't take me to vote BC he knows i don't like-#-trump and has known for years so. yeah. that's my situation rn#anyways my one time bitching about this on here if i bitch more it's not gonna be in public or it's gonna be with my brother and sister ✌️
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the universe is playing such a cruel trick on me i swear to god
#mom wouldn't take me for food. fine fuck it dont help your disabled child get around fuck it ill order food#i see lovely popeyes has 2 sandwiches for 5.99 so im like Word thats Awesome for me rn thats food for two days#so i order it. my golden bbq sandwich#and What do i receive. SPICY CHICKEN SANDWICH. SPICY MAYO CHICKEN SANDWICH#PLEASE ITS TAKEN ME LIKE 40 MINUTES JUST TO EAT ONE 😭😭
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I decided that I like one of my dresses better without sleeves so I took a seam ripper to it not realizing that I don't have the capability to bind the edges again 😭
#now I'm really upset becayse I think I ruined one of my favorite dresses#I can ask my mom to help me fix it but I have asked for her help on sewing so many times and she NEVER gets around to it#and so anytime I want to alter a piece of clothing I just... don't. because I don't know how to sew well enough and I hate nagging my mom#even if I did nag her. she wouldn't get around to it I bet. she never gets around to sewing#not even for my dad lol. not even for herself it's kind of her last priority hobby#anyway. :/#Lu rambles
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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Joy
CWs: Transphobia, child murder
#starmeadowsystem#cw transphobia#cw child murder#vent#art#vent art#honestly this is more about how my mom won't help me than anything#she probably wouldn't kill her grandkids irl#(probably)
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